The third night of the soul
Psalm 43:1-5
Judge me, God, and dispute my dispute.
From ungodly people, from a man deceitful and unjust,
You deliver me.
For you are the God of my refuge.
Why have you rejected me?
Why have I walked around in black
oppressed by the enemy?
Send out your light and your truth.
Let thém lead me,
bring me to your holy mountain and to your tents.
And I will bring her* to the altar of God,
to God, my exceeding joy.
And I will praise you with the harp:
"God, my God."
*) As in Gen 24:67. With traditional vocalization, the translation is: "And I will come."
What are you cast down, my soul
and what are you roaring against me?
Hope in God;
for yet I shall praise him,
my salvation and my God.
Reflections
In the opening image, the soul (in purple red ) is cast down, whereas the "I" (in blue) turns to God to sort out his inner conflict, as God would do in a conflict between people. Remember, the soul is still in a dark place, as in the second cycle. But the "I" feels no longer completely overwhelmed. The "I" asks for God's light and truth in the matter (again sorting out his inner conflict).
With God's help, I will return to God's presence. And over the course of these three cycles, I have gained some trust that this will not only be physically, but also emotionally: I will bring her, my soul, with me to God's altar. I will come with my soul and my soul's thirst will be quenched by the living God. Traditional readings don't show this, but the translation 'I will bring her' perfectly returns to the desire of 'my soul and I' in the opening image of psalm 42:
As a deer longs for streams of water,
so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
a living God.
When shall I come
and see God's face?
The psalm remains surprisingly realistic: the soul is still cast down. The depression is not and perhaps never fully resolved. But it does seem that the crying of the soul has become less overwhelming, as that of a little child or a baby. I can now love her and lead her. Just as we saw in the image of the mother in psalm 131. There is every reason to have hope in God.
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